Into Darkness Parody
by Total-Geek221
Summary: A parody about into darkness.


Into Darkness parody

This movie begins with a strange hooded figure running through the jungle, who turns out to be-gasp!-Kirk, running away from some strange life forms that look like they were painted with white out. Or paint. Then Kirk shoots an alien that turns out to be their ride and –gasp!- we see another hooded figure who turns out to be –gasp!- Bones!

(Seriously. Did Bones make the plan without Kirk or did they discuss it but Kirk forgot?)

Then they go to a cliff and jump off. The end.

Oh wait, there was an ocean below them. Nevermind. The movie isn't over yet.

Then they swim down to their ship (this is oh-so-realistic, first of all, the impact alone would kill them. Second of all, they can't swim down that far before they run out of air. Thirdly, their cloaks would weigh them down and it would be almost impossible to get them off in time. Realism here, J.J Abrams)

Then Scotty, who seems to be the ONLY one with sense, complains about the ship being at the bottom of the ocean. I agree. Why in the heck would a SHIP be at the bottom of the OCEAN? The pressure should be crushing it like a sardine can. Of course, the plot doesn't demand that, so it doesn't happen.

Cut to a scene of Spock going into a volcano and almost dying. But he's a main character. There is no suspense because, well, I hate to break it to you….but he won't die.

Then, ignoring every single one of Spock's complaints, the ship takes off and the beings see them. And somehow, even though they have barely invented the wheel, they still draw the ship better than most people could. Again, realism…not seeing much of it.

Skip to a scene of Mickey Smith and his wife going to a hospital to see their daughter, who's sick. Audience WILL watch this with tears in their eyes because it is sad, and if you don't, there's something wrong with you.

Mickey goes outside and runs into….Carrotstick Cumberfinch? No…Bonnobrain Callidspatch? Ugh. Who, just like the detective he plays, offers to help Mickey, and does some sciency stuff in his lab…or whatever it is. I mean, there are beakers and stuff so c'mon, it's obviously a lab. But John's missing. Probably on a grocery run. Then Mickey blows up a building to save his daughter. –Wipes away tears.- What? I wasn't crying!

Then Spock, who always follows the rules *what a surprise* sends a valid report, unlike Kirk. That one guy yells at Kirk, fires him, finds him at a bar, recruits him, the pair go to a meeting, and the guy ultimately dies.

SILENCE-SILENCE-SILENCE- SILENCE

Let's have a moment of silence.

After Spock finishes his…mind meld? I got no idea. It just looked creepy….Kirk leaves. Oh, I missed the whole scene with Budapest Custardbath…no wait its Bamboozle Cornhead…no wait…ah, I give up.

After Sherlock…oops, wrong movie/tv show… leaves in a trail of fairy dust, the plane crashes, and some police guys come back from their obvious coffee-and-donut break because they could NOT have completely ignored that ship shooting at the window. I hope. Scotty calls Kirk and Spock in the morning, and they find out that Khan-oops, we 'weren't supposed to know that' yet-has gone to the one place they just can't go with a portable somethingy humdinger.

Ooh! Ooh! The sun!

No? Somewhere else? Darn.

Then Kirk and Spock go to beg Marcus to let them go to the sun too-darn, it still isn't the sun? But it's so nice this time of year!-and he lets them. On the way to the ship, Bones brings up something is wrong with Kirk. Kirk completely ignores him. Then a girl comes into the ship and Kirk's attention is completely drawn away.

Woah. Totally a Dean moment there. (In case any of you don't watch Supernatural, Dean is a character on the show)

Later, as they're about to board the Enterprise, Bones brings up the health problem again. After this, it will be ignored for the rest of the movie, leaving you unnecessarily worried about Kirk.

Kirk fires Scotty (wow, great job there) and then ends up needing him again in just a few hours. They go to the Klingon Home –World, get saved by a psychopath-sorry, sociopath-and escape, taking him prisoner. A new ship enters the story, run by-dun dun DUN-Marcus! Marcus is about to destroy the ship when Scotty pulls through and saves them for the moment!

{Yes I know I skipped like half the movie. I would LIKE to get this done in under ten pages, thanks}

Marcus demands to take Makeover Sparckalylatch into custody and Kirk refuses. Kirk and Matress Fluffycatch then board that ship, and Benadril Thunderbatch deceives them! What a shocker!

Their ship going down, Kirk Perfecthair and Scotty leave the ship, and Kirk almost kills himself to save his crew.

-Nooo! Not Jack Frost and Mickey Smith!-

Spock fights Blubberbutt Caleidescope and Ulhura knocks him out.

Come on guys. All he wanted was to go to the scarf sale.

Bones saves Kirk, and gets none of the credit. Darn you J.J Abrams!

Then they go on a five year mission.

THE END

(Credit to Lily for laughing her socks off while I wrote this and making up names for Benedict Cumberbatch.)


End file.
